Forgiveness and festive joy
Taken from http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/20090928091213/Article/i...
IT’S a week after Hari Raya Aidilfitri and house visits are still in full swing ... but the first thing to do when you arrive at someone’s house is to salam your hosts.
Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka’s Kamus Dewan may define it as a handshake, but every Hari Raya, this gesture takes on a deeper meaning, more than just a symbol of friendship.
During Aidilfitri, salam signifies the act of seeking and granting forgiveness. It is synonymous with Malay culture and there is even a different manner of salam for everyone.
Among men, salam is a firm handshake with the right hand. In rare cases, a hug follows. Women, on the other hand, salam with both hands and they would hug their siblings, relatives or close friends.
The young kisses the hands of their elders as a sign of respect.
And if you go to a friend’s house where there are other people whom you do not know, it is considered good manners to salam everyone (of your gender).
But the most beautiful salam, is between the young and their elders, where it is almost mandatory for the former to kiss the hands of the latter as a sign of respect. And no, you don’t pull up their hands to your lips. Instead, you bow low while kissing their hands.
They, in turn, will return the gesture with a peck on the cheek or a pat on the back as a sign of love and affection. And among the same generation — like cousins — the kissing of hand is not necessary unless you regard an older cousin like a big sister or brother.
My father said that this practice has been around since he was a boy growing up in Kuala Kangsar, Perak.
“After the Aidilfitri prayers, the family would gather and salam each other, starting with the child and his or her father. The tradition is for the young to seek forgiveness from their elder as a sign of respect.
“Among friends, people seek forgiveness and to forgive during Aidilfitri. What’s the point of holding a grudge?” he asked.
I think salam is a beautiful gesture for both parties. It’s almost as if one is saying “I’m sorry for everything I have done” and the other party replying: “I forgive you and I am sorry too”.
By seeking forgiveness, we let go of our pride and admit our faults because we are only human. And by forgiving another, we let go of our emotional baggage and realise that anger isn’t something worth living with.
Hari Raya is such a happy occasion because disputes are forgotten as all come together to celebrate. Friendships are renewed, family ties are strengthened and differences are shelved ... and what a wonderful feeling that is.
It is no wonder then that salam, in Arabic, means peace.